Seven days, 168 hours

It's so hard to believe that this time last week I had just left Theron's side for the last time.  We left to go have dinner at Justin and Sarah's house as we did many times before, came back about an hour and a half later and he was gone from our lives in a fleeting moment. Probably left us as we were driving back home just before we got back to check on him. He had gone to the bathroom and had sat on the commode and just went to sleep. Peacefully, with his head proped in his hand leaning against the wall. You'd have never known he was gone from us.

 Moma and daddy had gotten there just seconds before we did and daddy was coming out telling me to go in and try to talk to him because he thought he was gone. I rushed in and grabbed his neck. He was gone. I grabbed a towel and wrapped around him and held him for nearly an hour until they made me let him go to take him away from us. That was our time there in the dark with only the light from the full moon and the security lights outside. I needed it. Moma brought the kids in and I grabbed their hands and let them touch his still warm neck and head. That calmed them completely and from then on they were fine. A peace came over them.

We had his funeral on Wednesday. I was able to let everyone hear the voice recording I was sneaky enough to get while he was at my house one day. After he told his story of the black cat and the hat, we played "Grandpa, tell me bout the good ol days" by the Judd's. He also had Old Rugged Cross by Alan Jackson and Go Rest High by Vince Gill. I wrote several things about him and a story about me and him. It was a very good funeral and there were many people in attendance. I was so proud. I sat with uncle Glynn. I wanted to be close to him because it made me feel close to Theron. His casket was absolutely beautiful, made from wood from an old barn built by the Amish. The inside had and old barn and farm scene. It was Perfect for him.

The weather could not have been more beautiful. He kept saying he didn't care how he got out of that bed, he just wanted to get out. He wanted to be outside and the day he got outside it was gorgeous. After his funeral we decided it was the perfect time to plant the potatoes. 9 rows went in the ground that day. He would be proud of that. I believe he had a hand in that weather. Nothin but sun with a touch of wind. Perfection. 

One of the toughest things about this week has been me wanting to pick up the phone and call him to tell him something or go to his house and tell him we got the potatoes planted or how it's been raining or about the weather or just see how he's doing  :(.   The kids miss him a lot. We will get through this. He's still with us just not here.

This Journey We Call Life

I just left Theron and grannie's about two hours ago and as I'm laying here in a king sized bed, one the same size as theirs, I can't help but wonder as I look over at my sleeping husband, did Theron use to lay in the bed at nite and wonder what it was gonna be like when he was old? Did he think about how he would die, what would be the cause for him leaving this life as we know it? Did he ever wonder what would be the ending to his journey?

I have thought about these things before but not like I have lately. I wonder how old might I be when I die (I mean, I don't wanna know by any means! Just curious) or maybe, just maybe I'll be blessed enough to see all my kids grow up and have families......that's my dream. :) I wouldn't/couldn't ask for more. 

When I sit by his bedside (which is quite often these days) I wonder what is going through his mind while he is sleeping (which he does a lot of these days). Is he dreaming of days gone by? Does he see angels? Does he see death? Last week he told us that a woman visited him in the middle of the nite 320 a.m. to be exact and she had black hair, black eyes and was wearing a black dress. She tried to get him to go with her and he told her to leave. I told him he can ONLY go with the ones wearing white. 

Death is a hard thing. Watching it. Understanding it. I guess the only thing that can make it easier is having FAITH in what happens AFTER it.........

The Betty Wash Hole

We'll, I must say that this weekend turned out to be one of the best weekends EVER!!! It all started with a decent nites rest. Helped mum get Grannie and Theron up and at 'me and then got myself up and at 'em and headed to Tifton for lunch at Cracker Barrel with mum, dad and all of mine. :) I can't say when that has happened last!

Whilst we we were there, talk of Betty wash hole (Betty, not Betty's) came up between my daddy and Jake and that caught my attention. How had Jake heard of this place but I had not? I jumped on this when I found it was in the woods by our house and I had never been. Right then, I decided since it had gone from snowing to 73 in four days that we were going on an adventure when we got home! The kids were excited! 

I learned another little piece of the past and that's one of my favorite things. Let's not call it history because I DO. NOT. LIKE. HISTORY! Just the past..... As in " the olden days "

Here we are on our way to the Betty (Betty, not Betty's) Wash Hole? How many of y'all are wondering just what that is?  Hold your horses! You'll find out soon enough!

Little did I know that we were getting our very own tour guide to take us to the Betty wash hole. Rivers is calling for the guide to let him know we are ready. He has been here many times and spent many days here with his brothers and sisters swimming and fishing.   :)

I finally snuck a picture of this one. He does not cooperate!

The Betty wash hole is on the land that used to belong to the Shepards. This was their house.

YAY!!!  The tour guide has arrived!

Pretty berries along the way to the Betty wash hole.

Through the pasture.......I'm getting left behind whilst documenting this little journey.

Now we are getting to the forest/woods/thicket/stuff that is gonna get caught in my hair and yank the snot out of it!?)$&@&$-!?

Oh my! Dinosaur bones!!!!!!!!!

Now comes the dangerous part! We must climb a fence! 

Another piece of the past....an army helmet....I never knew wars were fought in this part!?

I know,I know, it's not an army helmet but my kids thought it was cool. We can pretend can't we!?

And here it is! The Betty Wash Hole!!!!! Betty used to come here and wash her clothes. Way back before they had washing machines. Way back when my grandpa and his brothers and sister were kids and when my daddy and his brothers and sisters were kids. Betty came to her wash hole and washed her clothes.  The kids, on the other hand, came to fish and swim in the wash hole. 

My daddy said it had been forty years at least since he had been back in these woods where he spent a lot of his younger years. It was neat to watch him as he walked around and looked about. You could tell he was going wayyyyyy back in the day in his mind.

Here's Ben at Betty Wash Hole wishing he had a fishing pole just knowing he could round up a fish or two outta those shallow but somewhat deeper waters.

Here's daddy telling Jake the exact spot he found the old Coca-Cola sign that Jake still has to this day. 

We will definitely be visiting this spot again. I do believe Justin, his mini-me and SIL need to visit Betty Wash Hole. It's a gem!

This was a very pretty tree trunk that caught my eye. I bet it was a wee oakling when my grandpa and his siblings tromped through these woods.

The best tour guide ever.  Taking it in. Actually he was waiting on Ben and me. My hair kept getting stuck in EVERYTHING that I walked by and Ben wouldn't leave my side for anything! Daddy said the trek seemed a lot further when he was a wee sprout way back when.

As we came back out we came upon two other gems.  One was an old GMC truck of the 50-52 era.

I can't believe of all of my 32 years of living out in this neck of the woods I NEVER knew this was here!!!

And an ORANGE Ford Maverick!!! Freakin' AWESOME!!!!! SIL's favorite color.

Anyway, this was our Sunday adventure to Betty Wash Hole. We loved it! We don't go venturing out through the woods too often (at least I don't because spiders live out there!!!!!!) but maybe we can get in a few more before it gets warm and the spiders hatch out!

Monday, Crazy Monday

It's been another long weekend. It started out really well and then Saturday came. And some people didn't agree with some decisions that Theron made (he has decided he is done with chemo. It is killing him) and well, needless to say, things escalated and this sign pretty much sums up how I feel this morning. 

To put it nicely, forget them.....all of them. I'll continue to take care of my grandmother and grandfather because obviously, that's what God has intended for me to do because without Him I. AM. NOT. STRONG. ENOUGH. 

These are some random pictures I've taken that are so pretty to me. They make me smile. :)

Also on this nasty Monday Rivers and I have the snots and scratchy throat. We are downing all sorts of allergy meds. We feel quiet fine right now. :)

Tomorrow nite and Wednesday's forecast calls for SNOW!!!!!! Oh my! I may or may not be excited about it...depends on if this scratchy throat goes away. 

Last nite before I went to bed I was talking about how the forecast was almost depressing because there was no sun showing for the next 10 days......well, it was out there when I got up this morning!!! Just what I needed! Another sign.

Theron is determined he is going to see Dr. Shaw and the girls tomorrow. And he probably will with the determination he has! Man is it ever gonna be cold out tomorrow! But if he wants to go I will be there to take him! He's been doing so good the past couple days. Eating a little more, drinking a LOT more, and walking without a cane OR walker!

I have resorted to wearing socks that don't match and I think it's kinda cool. It's mainly because I don't have time to look for matching ones and I really don't care because it's not important.  Today I have grey with orange dots and hot pink trim and another that's grey with lime green dots and purple trim. 

There have been so many times in the past four months that I've contemplated packing our bags, loading up the car, telling no one (except maybe my moma) and driving to the beach for the weekend.....and "accidentally" forgetting our phones at home. Instant stress relief. It's just not warm enough. I want to walk out to where the water is just below my nose. And not think about anything. Just let the salt water and sun soak into my skin. 

This is also stress relieving. Gardening. This is the stuff that my Jake grew. Fresh vegetables are just so pretty to me. Fresh from the earth. The color is just so vibrant. And they just taste so much better. I'm trying to talk Jake in to growing flowers this year. A field of flowers when I look out the front window. Talk about beautiful! I think I'm gonna slip out there and plant a slew of zinnias this year. They are so gorgeous!!!

Ta-ta for now. Here's to simpler times!

A few long days.....and a 12th Birthday. :)

My BIG boy turned 12 this week! He shared his big day with MLK, which wasn't so bad because everyone had the day off! Jake and I started the day off by leaving out early and goin to the orthodontist. Got done there and stopped by Walmart for a few things and went by Hog N Bones for breakfast. We had to hurry and get back out to Justin and Sarah's house because the power people were cutting down HUGE pine trees in their yard. They had already started when we got there so we had to hurry! It was awesome! All the kids loved it! Including the BIG kids, too! 

We came back home later that afternoon to get ready for the birthday party. :) we had more dessert than regular food! That's what I'm talking about! Jake wanted panini's and chips for dinner and chocolate cake, chocolate trifle, and a cookies & cream pie.

I've had so many sleepless nites lately from thinking about Theron and worrying wether or not he's gonna be here the next day or not. It's getting tough. He's been in the bed more the past week than not. He'll get up around 12 and sit up til about 430 or 5 and then go back to bed for the nite. And that's only maybe every other day or two days. He doesn't eat, hardly drinks and has decided to stop chemo. I so hope the stopping chemo helps him to feel better. At least through the spring. That's what he's been talking about and looking forward to most. The Planting. 

I've been trying to stay with him and keep the kids close by because that keeps him upbeat and happy, helps him through the day. I know in the end it won't be something any of us will regret. I just hope I can continue to hold it all together while I'm with him. It gets tough at times but so far so good. I don't won't to turn this in to anything that is about me. Right now, it needs to be all about him and I wish more of his family would see it that way. Anyway, I'm just gonna keep on keepin on. 

XXX.  ;)

Reminiscing........

I got a camera card adapter from SIL for the iPad and loaded a LARGE amount of photos on here. I've picked out some of my favorites for a post.  These first few are from when we went camping at Lake Blackshear a couple years ago. Early morning......my favorite time of day at the lake. It's so quiet, not a lot of movement, just the sound of boats and the smell of bacon cooking. :)

This guy here in the kayak is exactly where I'd like to be right now........quiet, foggy, chilly morning.

My kids (the boys anyway) are actually some of the early risers at the lake...."the early riser gets the fish" as Ben says. I say "if your name is Ben Perry you get the fish!" Period.  When you're good,you're good.

Same foggy morning, I just turned around and took this picture. :)

This was taken at the Agrirama in November 2012

This picture was from Theron's surprise 80th birthday party/family reunion. This is a BIG chuck of the Cook family. He had just found out about two weeks before that he had stage four lung cancer. We really thought this would be the last birthday he'd see. He just had his 81st last October and he's steadily working on his 82nd!

Every time I look at these two pictures I tear up. Rivs great grandma Juanita bought her her first American Girl Doll. Rivers had NO IDEA that she had done this. So Ms. Juanita called us over one nite to bring her over and she FLIPPED OUT when she opens that box and saw that doll inside!!!  I love the look on her face!!!

She was one happy and excited little girl!!! And she loves her dolls!!!  (All 3 of them)

This is one of the days I realized my babies are all grown up. They are all BIG enough to ride the roller coasters at Wild Adventures. I knew this day would come but I remember just like it was yesterday that I had plenty of time to worry about that before it actually happened. :/.  It's come and gone in the blink of an eye.

Here sitting, strapped in these four, black seats is MY. ENTIRE. WORLD. And look at the excitement on those faces!!!  And one barefoot little girl! In December! (2012)

They ALL love roller coasters!!!

Here we are in 2013. Pensacola, Fla. on our way to Orange, Texas.

Navy Museum=amazing!!!

The life sized planes were so pretty and it was neat to think they were actually once flown and protected our country. There was a lot to read but it wasn't easy with three kids that wanted to just get in and fly all of them ! I wondered if my besties husband, Jonathan, got to fly in many of these types of planes since he was in the Navy. They've definitely got to visit that place when they get back out this way.

We also toured the USS Alabama in Mobile, Alabama. This HUGE battleship was amazing but also depressing. I can't imagine someone being on a ship for as long as those men were and not going absolutely crazy. I'm not claustrophobic but that ship almost made me! 

We were able to go in practically every nook and cranny of this ship. And there were many!

The next day (after we spent the nite in Baton Rouge) we stopped and toured the Tabaso plant. We tried to pack in as much as possible on our trip and make it a learning experience. This was territory NONE of the Perry'S had ever been in!  EVER!

And leave it to Ben to find a fish outta water!

This was one of the strangest sights to me! All I've ever seen are Ga, Tn and Fla (lately). But NEVER LA and MS or TX!!! Texas was my favorite!

And we had to visit the World's Largest Fire Hydrant in Beaumont, Texas!!! 

This was the hi light of Ben's entire trip! He met the man he's gonna one day replace! Hahaha!  I wish I had the money to get him started.  It's his calling. The boy can fish.

They were all three amazed at the size of this engine/motor? I was too actually.

Ben said this is his future transportation.    ;).  I believe it!  This boat wrap was really neat. It looks camo but the "camo" look is actually tiny pictures that were sent in of his fans!

Ben's first local fishing tournament.  MAP had to work so I had to take him to a pond out at our house.....in the heat!  Good grief it was so hot!!! He didn't care!

He is so serious when he fishes. I do love watching him. And he could fish all day whether he catches anything or not (which is very rare).

And he knows where they are. It amazes me. I'd love to be able to send him with one of the pros for a day of fishing. Although they may get their feelings hurt.  :)

And here's my little goat girl!

Basking in the sun. She (unlike my oldest) will smile for anyone!

May 2013. Mexico Beach. As soon as we got there. Ben fishing. 

Me: Ben, it's dark, you can't catch anything if you can't see!!!

Ben:  (see picture)

The moon was absolutely beautiful and was obviously bright enough and made it light enough to fish!

Rounding out the year. October 2013. Blue Ridge, Ga.

The boys fishing in the Toccoa River and boy did they ever! We have a freezer full of trout waiting to be fried up!!!

The only way for me to get a good picture of Jake is if I surprise him!

The boy won't smile or cooperate foe ANYTHING!!!!!!

This is the newest addition to the Hickman family!  Abree Estelle. That hair still blows my mind! She was born on November 5, 2013, weighing in at 9lbs 12ozs!!! OMG!!!  I wuv her!

Happy 2014!!!!!!   And PS. I'm not going back to proofread this!  Ain't nobody got time for that!!!